Empathy! But of course!

When exactly was it that the service went out of the dining experience?


My earliest memory of dining out was at a little Italian spot on Long Island. We went there probably twice a month, my sister, me, mom and dad. From what I remember the food was unremarkable-I recall having stuffed shells or manicotti, usually buried in tomato sauce and slathered with mozzarella. Most of the Americanized Italian restaurants served dishes like this, cheese in the middle, a thick gooey layer of mozzarella-fresh "muz" if you call yourself a New Yawk Italianite-melted on top, giving your meal tiers of starch, dairy, tomato, dairy.


But it wasn't the cheese-as a kid, that was always the best part of the meal-more cheese, and more garlic bread. Still the fact that I remember only the service we received is tantamount to the experience. We had a waiter-and he was always our waiter when we were there-and he had a tag line. When you asked him something, he always graciously replied, "But of course!" At that he snapped off to retrieve exactly what it was we wanted. And you never had to ask him twice. Not only was this great service, but it was great fun, too. That little tag line soon became part of the vernacular in our house (much to my mother's chagrin).


These memories are forever a part of our eternal being. And it stands to reason that this is because there are fewer and fewer of these experiences to stand with them. My wife and I, before becoming parents, dined out often, as many married couples without children do ( or did, before this crazy economy! ). I can recall on less than one hand the number of times we had GREAT service. The rest of the times were divided between unremarkable and poor experiences.

I am very sympathetic to the plight of the waiter. Many in New York are out of work actors, and many are struggling students, artists, etc., trying to piece together a week's pay on tips. Hourly wages are poor, and tips can be hard to come by, even if they give fantastic service. And there are long hours, and the occasional crackpot customer who is so difficult it can cause you to lose your mind.

Still, in all of our times dining out (check that spelling, folks, dining has ONE 'n' in the middle-if I see it on a menu board in chalk, "dinning room open" I usually crunch up my shoulders and break out in hives) my wife and I recall that the best service we received came when we least expected it. And when we expected good service, well, that expectation can border on assumption, and you know what happens when you assume things...


So what does it take to give good service? One word: empathy. Yes, empathy. It's the cornerstone of hospitality. Understanding how someone else feels, where they may have been or just come from, and how you can make their day better through just one encounter. Empathy is also found in the tone set by the restaurant itself; if ownership/management cares, then there will be a sense of accountability within the establishment, and this is a very important part of creating an environment where good service thrives. If the leadership team of the restaurant cares, then all those involved in customers service, which really involves everyone who works in the restaurant, from the hostess to the dishwasher, all of them, will provide good service. This is because the right people have been hired, trained, and continually developed.


True story, I was there: A dismal, chilly afternoon in March. A steady New York rain was pelting the afternoon lunch crowd. The rush for take out and delivery orders was as steady as the falling rain. A customer came in to pick up her order. She was tired and her rain coat dripped to the floor. "We don't have your order," she was told. "We never received it."

Being techno-smart and prepared, she had printed out her fax confirmation of her order. "Well, if you didn't call to confirm, we wouldn't make the order." I tried to call, she said, but the lines were busy. "We'll make the order, but it's going to be a few minutes. You can wait over there."


Now, here's some points about the above happening. If a customer takes the time to order food from a restaurant, fax the order over, or log in to the website and order things that way, then print out the fax or online order confirmation, and THEN walk over in the pouring rain, don't you think she deserves slightly better treatment than this? She should get a medal, a free meal, even a customer of the year award, as far as I am concerned. She cares about her food, she cares about the restaurant, even.

And the person who greeted her should have responded with:

"I am so sorry! We didn't get your order! Let me see your confirmation, ok, great, we'll make it right away. Just give us a couple of minutes." All of that, in a pleasant tone, with a smile, and perhaps a towel for her to dry off, would be the definition of GREAT service.


What I find lacking so many times these days is the lack of understanding and yes, empathy, within the realm of customer service. A pleasant voice on the phone that says, "do you mind holding?" and actually WAITING for an answer, instead of just the typical rushed "hold please-CLICK", and you don't know if you're on hold or if you were disconnected. And when you are standing in line at your favorite restaurant waiting to pick up your food, and it isn't ready yet even though you have been waiting patiently, you want someone who works there, someone who in some way has been responsible for actually getting your food-something you intend to eat and hopefully digest, you want them to in some way show that they care about your food which in turn will translate that they indeed care about you too.


Service, then, can be summed up as empathy, it can and must be understood as a frame of mind. This is what makes good service so hard to teach. Good service is an example of a culture within business (and it's not limited to the restaurant industry), a culture that is defined by leadership. When the powers that be understand that good leadership requires empathy, compassion and understanding, good customer service almost always becomes a result of that culture.


And that today is, but of course, the view from my table.

-The General Manager