Have I got a TIP for YOU!

Do you tip for bad service? Do you get bad service, and think, well, they gotta make a living, so here's the 15% and then you leave, feeling like you've been ripped off?

Do you tip more than 20% all the time? Great service, whether it's from the diner waitress who's been at it for 20 years, or top notch service at a restaurant like Union Square Cafe--what's it worth?

Great service is an easy one--you expect it when you're eating at the restaurants of one of the great chefs, be it Mario Batali, Thomas Keller, Charlie Trotter--but we've all had great service at places where you least expect it, like a favorite greasy spoon. I had some of the best service at a joint in East Greenwich, RI, a place called Jigger's. Great breakfast spot. People line up for this place on the weekends, and the bacon and coffee are worth it, but the service is amazing! Fast and friendly, it's always right on.

BAD SERVICE REALLY SUCKS. It costs money. It creates agida. It makes you want to scream. And the hardest part is that it all unravels very slowly, like the thread from your sweater. What gives? Why do I have to ask for water-again?? Why doesn't the waiter even LOOK at me? Are they growing the lettuce for my salad?

How do you spot it? It's evident the moment you sit down. The host or hostess will blithely walk away after dropping your menus on the table. Then--nothing. A few minutes go by. No attention. The pit in your stomach howls at you. No hello. No drink order. Then, THE APOLOGY. "I'm sorry, can I get you something to drink??"

Do yourself a favor, and LEAVE. Seriously, get up and go eat somewhere else. You are about to get BAD SERVICE. And the food will not make up for it.

How do you avoid bad service? Don't eat out on Sunday nights. The restaurant owners of the world will hate me for this, but it's true. The "B" team is always working on Sunday nights. The best waitstaff works Tuesday through Saturday nights. Those are the money nights. Sunday is the leftovers, the ones who need more training and probably aren't getting it. If you insist on going out on Sunday night, then go to a place you know and trust completely.

Next, dine at places you know. Repeat customers are FAVORITE customers. Repeat customers are the ones that will get a complimentary glass of wine, dessert, maybe a special course or tasting menu. And if you are comfortable eating somewhere that you know the food is good, and the service is too, then why not go back? It's good to try new spots, but wait until you hear from someone else.

If it's a new restaurant that you've been dying to try, then check out this test; what's the greeting like at the door? Are they warm and friendly? Smiling and professional? Do they run you through the dining room to your table or do they make sure that you are still with them all the way to the table? The greeting will give you an indication of the level of training the staff has gone through. Also, if you are waiting for your table at the bar, order a drink, and see what the attention level and knowledge level is of your bartender. Ask the barkeep about something on the menu. You can gauge the level of service in the restaurant by the responses you get before you even sit down at your table. Every member of the staff should be versed in the menu, how the food is prepared, and every member should be able to answer your questions or at the very least provide you with someone who can answer your questions.

What can you do when you are in the middle of bad service? Say something. Talk to the manager--but I also like to talk to another waiter. If you can spot a waiter that you see is attentive to their tables, then it's great to get someone else who's on the same level as the doofus who's been ruining your evening. There is always a fair amount of friendly competition among the waitstaff. But if you are making the commitment to the meal, you have a responsibility to at least say something-firmly and diplomatically. Making a scene isn't worth it. A subtle and firm remark to the manager will get results. And if you don't get a response, the power of the letter or email, is next. Remember as much as you can, waiter's name, what he looked like, and write it up and send it over to the restaurant the NEXT DAY. Don't wait. Who's responsible for this muck-up? Read a few posts below about hiring great people--management and ownership are totally responsible for hiring the right folks and training them properly. Some people just aren't cut out for customer service!

Should you tip for this? If the service is abhorrent, then I say no. If the waiter is one eye short of oblivious, you have no obligation to leave a tip. I don't care how big the bill is. But if some things went wrong, then I would break out the tip calculator on the cell phone and leave a to the penny 15% tip. Good service and beyond, well, that's an easy 20%. Remember that waiters earn their rent, car payments, beer money--all from tips. And be as generous as you want! The diner waiter will LOVE you for it. So, be kind, but be firm; and don't waste your money on bad service.

And that's the view from my table.